


Responsibilities

by margarks



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Episode Tag, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-14
Updated: 2010-09-14
Packaged: 2017-10-11 19:41:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/116207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/margarks/pseuds/margarks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Oh, so is that what this is? Are we going to argue over which one of us is more responsible?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Responsibilities

**Author's Note:**

> Written after I rewatched the Defiant One. Set directly after that ep ends.

They held the ceremony on the eastern decks. The sun was just coming up as they scattered the ashes over the railing. Rodney listened dry-eyed as Dr. Weir gave the eulogy. She'd asked him if he'd wanted to say a few words and he'd declined. There wasn't anything he could say about Brendan Gall that would make things right again.

It was curious how guilty he felt over Gall. It was different than the way he felt about Abrams.

Yes, it had been their poor judgment that had gotten both men killed. Rodney wouldn't forget the way he'd teased Abrams and Gall about wanting field work as they left them on their own. It had been Sheppard's decision, but Rodney hadn't protested. And he remembered what Gall had said. That Rodney had felt threatened by the younger, brighter man. Though he was clearly delusional about the brighter aspect of his argument, Rodney couldn't deny that he'd always felt a slight hostility toward the younger man.

And it had been entirely his fault that Gall had killed himself. He'd made Gall feel guilty for holding him back. He'd given Gall the gun. Even if Sheppard had been the one to suggest it.

Nobody had said a word to him. He'd explained in his report the circumstances of Gall's death and Weir had done nothing but nod solemnly. Sheppard hadn't even done that much when they'd retrieved the bodies.

Rodney headed down to his lab after the ceremony ended and the others dispersed. He didn't feel like secluding himself in his quarters. He'd be just as alone in the lab, and more comfortable.

"It wasn't your fault, you know."

Rodney didn't turn to greet the intruder "You weren't there."

"Did you hold the gun to his head?"

"I may as well have!" Rodney slammed the lid of his laptop shut.

"Don't be an idiot." And suddenly John was there, his hand covering Rodney's trembling one. "I'm the one who gave the order to arm him."

"Oh, so is that what this is? Are we going to argue over which one of us is more responsible?"

"No." John forced Rodney to turn and face him. "We aren't."

For a moment Rodney thought John was going to kiss him, but this wasn't something John could remedy with a kiss. And for once he knew that. Instead John ran his hand up Rodney's arm and cupped his neck. He held him like that, locking eyes with him until Rodney finally closed his just to break the contact.

"We know who's responsible." John said, breath whispering across Rodney's cheek. " _You_ know who's responsible."

"Yeah, me." Rodney's eyes were still closed when John feathered his lips over Rodney's eyelids.

"Brendan Gall held that gun. _Not you_." John paused, the silence suffocating Rodney until his eyes flew open and he tried to answer. "But - "

"Shh," John put a finger to Rodney's lips. "I'm not done." He quirked an eyebrow until Rodney conceded with a nod. "Gall could have waited for the rescue. He _chose_ to give up." Rodney couldn't look away from the intensity in John's expression. " _He_ chose, Rodney. Not you."

The tears welled up then and Rodney threw himself against John, burying his face against the crook of John's neck. He sobbed in a breath and John's arms banded around him.

Rodney wasn't a crier. He didn't break down and weep on John's shoulder. He blinked back the tears instead, swallowing a second sobbing breath. But he didn't pull away.

It was John who pulled back first, studying Rodney's face for some sort of reassurance, Rodney supposed. He laughed weakly when John finally kissed him, his lips familiar and comforting. John's brow rose again, and Rodney smiled. "I knew you wouldn't be able to resist for long."

"A little full of yourself, aren't you McKay?"

Rodney just shook his head, amazed that the knot he'd been carrying around in his stomach had finally loosened.

"Why don't we move this to your quarters?" John tugged at Rodney's hand, forcing him up from his seat. "I thought I'd find you there earlier. You surprised me."

"It's nice to know I can still keep you guessing." Rodney said, letting John pull him along without a fight.

THE END.


End file.
